I'm not desperate but I'm blogging anyway. Some people think I'm a "despo"....

You want to help someone? Instead of getting a good response like, " Go ahead and do that!" you get criticized! You get angry at someone you get encouraged instead of being descouraged. I'm not blaming my personality on anyone, I'm just describing other peoples personalities! Like *cough cough* ....never mind.

Oh my God! People are desperate. People are hungry for power. But you... You disgust me. You make me feel like you don't have a good side in you. You feel jealous but that's a mutual feeling. But no one is that jealous! What is wrong with you? You never want to see me happy. You can't bear it. When I'm happy you're burning. It hurts you to see me happy. When we're alone your fine but God forbid we be like that infront of anybody. Your "popularity" will fall if someone sees you with me right? Your life and your ways make me want to vomit! You'll never become the old you and the old you was much better then the new you. You will never be able to get a good life if you torture other people. Mark my words.

Feeling like it's all my fault? Not at all. So why the blame? Why the accusations? Who do they think they are? What did I do? Told the truth? Did the truth hurt you? I asked you a simple question. You didn't answer. I begged. You ignored. I cried. You went on with life. But when I turned away you held your hand out and told me to join you. Well it's too late now! You want me now? Why not before? You enjoy attention? Ha! Don't you get enough of it? You enjoy pain? You make me feel it everyday. Happy? You want something I can't give you right? You want a perfect person who will worship you day and night. Did you get that person? No! Because no perfect person exists on the face of this Earth! You said you were mine. Then what happened? Did someone else buy you with their looks or their brains? You gave me a reason to hate you. A reason I will never be able to move away from my mind. And my heart. I wanted just one teeny tiny thing. Why couldn't you give it to me? You stole something from me. Give it back! Give me the thing I treasure most. Please... Dont torture me everyday the way you do. With just one look. That look filled with hatred. My life will go on and I promise you that. But remember this. One day, you'll be begging on your knees for me.

Hope? Seeing it, feeling it. Scared? A lot. Feeling better? Definitely. Your advice worked. Lets see if it works for long or if its just going to keep us together for a few days. But thanks anyway. You helped a lot!

I hate you. You hate me. Story of our lives right?

I want.... I want... I want.... You complained that I never listened to you. Why didn't you say anything? You think I had everything. Well yes, maybe I did but everyone has their times. Now YOU'RE the one who has everything. You can't possibly blame everything on me. I said harsh words to you? I made you cry? Do you even remember what YOU said to me? Of course you don't. You think my problems aren't important. Think again, woman, because you aren't using your mind properly. The words you said to me weren't harsh. They were cruel, heart-breaking and they were not what I expected to hear from you, of all the people. You said "We aren't best friends. I was never your best friend." Do YOU remember those words? You don't think they didn't hurt me? That was the reason I cried and unfortunately that day one of our best friends called. She knew I'd been crying. Never ever in my life did I say "Don't talk to her." You brought that onto yourself girl! I lost everyone. I never blamed anyone. I blamed myself. Why do you hate that so much? I left you and you left me. So whats the problem now? Your dream just came true right? You never wanted me. You never wanted a best friend like me.  My problem is mine to fix. If I don't want to fix it whats it to you? You act like you care. But think again. Do you care? I'm not saying you're lying to me. I'm saying you're lying to yourself.

I hate.

I hate the way you talk to me

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive a car

I hate the way you stare.

I hate your big dumb boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick

it even makes rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh

even worse than you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around

and the fact that you didn't call.

Mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit.... Not at all.

I hate you then I love you. I want to throw you off a cliff but then I want to run down to catch you.

Death+Sad+Lonely+Lost = Me

What is death? Death is not the end. It is a new beginning. A day will always end with sleep. Life always ends with death. I desire death. I desire death because I desire things that will destroy me in the end. Who the God loves, dies young. That's partly why I want to die. When I was born, I was crying but everyone around me was smiling. When I die, I will be smiling but everyone around me will be crying. As long as I have at least one thing I want, I have a reason for living. Now I've lost everything. Now I don't have a reason to live. Another reason why I want to die is that once you're dead, people miss you and love you more. Death is just a new chapter of the same story. Death leaves a pain no one can feel but love leaves a memory no one can steal. Every shadow is made by some light, every tear has a smile, death has to have some life. Of all the saddest words of tongue and pen are "It might have been." Sometimes I don't want anyone to see me crying. You know what I do? I go out in the rain so that my tears can be mistaken. Why are the sad quotes always the best quotes? I want a storm. I want rain. So that I can see the rainbow later. The colorful colors across the light blue sky that will make my day the best. I want  to write my bad times in sand so that they can be washed away. I want to write the good stuff on stone so that it can stay. There are lots of things I want. Lots of people. But I wont get anything. Should I give up? I think I will.

I'm...

I'm a daughter hiding my depression.
I'm a sister making a good impression.
I'm the girl sitting next to you.
I'm the one asking you to care.
I'm your best friend.
Hoping you'll be there.

Lonely.

Hard times don't last forever right? True friendships last forever right? When I find myself snuggling into loneliness, I know nothings right. I feel alone. But I'm not alone. I have my loneliness with me. But one day my loneliness will leave me too. The day I die. I feel lonely every single day of my life. But I'm ashamed to admit that to the people who love me. Sometimes I wish I could die. Go away from this worlds cruelty. Go into a place where I was free. Free to fly! Boys? Is that was ruins it all? No. Me. I'm what ruins it all. I ruin my life as well as other peoples lives. I ruin my families life. Why did it have to be three? Why couldn't they just be happy with a daughter and a son? Why was I born? Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I be like some random popular, rich girl who could live a happy perfect life? Why? I know. Because it was me being born. And when is my luck good? Ruin me. Finish me. Kill me. Please... I want to die. Tomorrow, today, now. GOD I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DRAMA AND THESE COMPLICATIONS! KILL ME! I ruin myself. It's what I'm good at. What do I do? I die! I triumph!

Deaths waiting arms

She stumbled as she walked away
Leaving my heart to break
I stared after her until she was out of my sight
Out my mind, out of my life

I waited for years for her to return
I waited and let my heart burn
My life had turned a disgusting shade of auburn
As I knew she wouldn't return

Yet I still couldn't give up hope
I held onto her as if onto a rope
Oh, how could I cope?
Still left with this dangerous hope

I leapt up when I saw the shadow at my window one night
This was how she'd cone to meet me every night
I pulled the curtains out of my way
And stared at the face I had yearned for everyday

I jumped into my angels way
And went willingly as she took me away
Took me away, took me away
Away from all the pain

I satred at the place she took me to
I stared into Death's loving eyes
I had come to the place where I did belong
Into the hold of what was strong

I was taken from my angels arms
And put into Deaths waiting arms.

Hope

I wanted to learn from yesterday. I want to live for today. I want to hope for tomorrow. I wanted to believe that hope was a lighted hand wanting to help me in the dark. I could bear to lose disappointment but never bear to lose hope. All I wanted to do was hope and fight for recovery. I wanted to heal the past, live the present and hope the best for the future. I wanted to believe that hope is not in other people and other things. I wanted to believe that hope was in me. I wanted to hope that if I kept my face towards sunshine, I wouldn't see all those dark shadows around me. I wanted to believe that hope was not a dream but a way to make dreams come true. I wanted to believe that hope would never abandon me and I would never abandon it. I wanted to believe that hope would make my dreams come true. I wanted to believe that if I had hope, anything would be possible. I wanted to believe that hope could see the invisible, feel the intangible and achieve the impossible. I wanted to believe that man could live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air but for only one second without hope.

I wanted to believe all of this. Because I didn't want to lose the little hope I had left in me. But before I could even reach inside me to grab the hope, she broke my trust again and took everything away. She ran away and left me in despair. Forever and ever in despair.

The Woman Who Turned Into a Fox

 Once there was a woman who did not like who she was. She felt uneasy with herself, as if she did not fit inside her own body. When she looked in the mirror, she did not recognize herself. Was that her nose? Were those her eyes? They didn't seem quite right, though she could not have told you what the right nose or eyes would be.

The woman lived with her husband in a house near Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. She had a little girl who was old enough to go to school. Sometimes, the woman would look at the little girl and wondered if this little girl was really hers. She couldn't tell.


One day, when the woman's little girl was at school and her husband was at work, the woman left the key to the house on the kitchen table and walked out. She walked along a trail that led into Golden Gate Park. Even though it was in the middle of the city, Golden Gate Park was really big with lots of woods and wild places. When the woman was deep in the park, she left the trail and walked between the trees where there was no trail.


She was far from the trail when it started to rain- gently at first, and then harder, raindrops against her and soaking her shirt and her jeans. She looked for a place to shelter and found a hollow log that was large enough to crawl inside.


She crawled in on her stomach. It  was dry inside the log-snug and warm. She waited for the rain to stop, closing her eyes and listening to the water rattle against the leaves overhead, drip to the forest floor, and trickle through the dead leaves to reach the thirsty ground. Listening to the rain she fell asleep.


When she woke up, she had changed. For the first time, she felt at home in her body. The smells around her were intense and inviting- the delicious scent of rotten leaves and grubs; the warm smell of the squirrel in the branches. As she listened to the squirrel in the branches, she could feel her ears moving to follow the sound. When she looked at her body,she saw that she was covered with golden-ish, brown fur. She muzzled the long, bushy tail curled around her paws.


Somehow, as she slept, she had changed into a fox.

Izzi, Mano, Noori, Ayeshoo and Rubi!!

we all dont do fashion!! we r fashion!!

good girls go to heaven!!bad girls go everywhere!!

good girls are just bad girls who dont get caught!!

wen words dont speak, music does!!

we never stopped luving u!! we just stopped showing it!!

we're bad girls, sweet girls ,fine girls!! u can look but u cant touch!!

live it! love it! learn from it! LIFE!

Over and over I TRIED and over and over U LIED and over and over I CRIED and I DONT KNOW WHY!!

:]  :] :] :] :] :) :) :) :) 

Do you agree?

Everyone wants to think their perfect but actually nobody's perfect! Whoever thinks they know everything is totally WRONG! My teacher told me you should let your anger out so I really am gonna let it out! I am sick and tired of the things that happen in my class but who's gonna stop them! NO ONE! No one cares about what I'm taking about except the people who agree with this!!

From: vampire girl, chubby cheeks, fatty Mcpatty, fiery dynamite, the foreign, doodler, fashion freak, braceface, pathan, shopahollic, aniemic, god's tree and charming Betty!!

FINALLY!!

Arooj Teacher I LUV UUU!! i finally got my blog! I've wanted it since.....i dont know how long but very long! thank u! dont know wat i should write on my first entry !! :] Rubi u really need to make your blog now it is super fun!! ; ) bye