Leaving. This branch. This school. These teachers. These classes. Oh, the canteen. The grounds. The vice principal. The junior kids. Everything. Everyone. We've been here for 6 frickin' years. And we're leaving in a day. Forever. Never going to come back. Never going to sit in any of the classes to study again. Right now, I'm wishing I could fail just to stay here. But then again, I shouldn't wish that incase it comes true. But I will miss this branch so so so so much. Its just not rubbing into my mind, the fact that I'm leaving. We all are. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Leave.
Another thing thats torturing me is that next year we won't even be together. We'll all be seperated with the exception of a few children. But thats not fair! Life isn't fair in these matters! I'll miss the family I'd made in a school. And it really was a family. With little brothers and sisters. And older ones. And same aged ones. And of course my mother, who was also a sister and a best friend and a friend. Rabkajoora. I'll miss everyone and every single thing. Because I truly loved every single one of them.

La la la!

I feel like I just seen the sun for the first time. You make my life bright cause you shine. Its me and you baby, its our time. I'm living my dream, girl cause you mine. You got me skippin' down the street. And singin' love songs all out of key. I didn't smoke nothin' but I feel so high. And I know why. It's a love thing, it's got to be. Your heart's all locked and I got the key. It feels like I just won the lottery. 'Cause I got my girl and she got me. You my new obsession. I feel on top of the world with you baby. I want to dance and party tonight. I feel on top of the world with my lady. I'm gonna rock your body all night. She makes me wanna sing. La, la la la.

Love love love this song! For some very odd reason! :P

Good day! Yay! Very good day. I loved the way I felt like I belonged. I loved it when she said "I tell Noor everything. She knows everything about me." What I loved most was that we made a whole new dance in only a few hours which is even better than the last one. I hated it when SHE cancelled Desi Thumka but at least we got a better dance. She liked it so mission accomplished. *Sigh*. Still have so much to say but can't say it. Maybe if I use code words... Never mind.
Now that my problems are starting to end and other peoples problems are starting I can easily pity them. I can actually say "I know what you're going through." Because I actually do! Now that I'm very happy I want to solve everyone elses problems and make them happy. I know the feelings not mutual but so what? I'm trying to be a good person and I will be one. I feel like I could laugh so loudly that the whole world will hear it. I repeat. Today was a good day. 27th March 2012 will deifitely be remembered. I hope tomorrow's just as amazing as today. I'll make sure I'm wearing my good-luck charm. ;)

Bad day. Bad day. Bad day. Bad day. I knew there would be bad days in my new life. Never thought the force of the confusion would knock me breathless. Fights over here fights over there. One fight starts between me and my friend the other starts with the other friends. One problem isn't solved and new ones keep popping up. One person doesn't talk to the other the rest stop talking. Ahhhhhh! I think I'm going mad. God help me! Todays damn fight has gotten me so confused! Now I don't know who ARE loyal friends and who aren't. I'm not so sure about one person but I'm sure of the other. I wish with the deepest part of my heart that my one wish comes true. Bring all of us back together. Bring back the childish acts, the dumb jokes, the laughing times. Bring back the old us... Some people probably think I'm the one causing these problems and maybe I am. Who knows? Maybe I'm the devils double. I'm an evil witch who wants to ruin everyones lives. Yeah. Sure. Thats what I want to do. Anything else you want to know about me?
But whenever I try to be nice I remember the old times. The way I was hurt. The way I was hit. They way I was treated with absolutely no mercy. Oh no I can't forget lovely days. Oh how I miss them. Umhm. Miss them. Those amazing days. Those memories have changed me into a bad person. That thirst of revenge. That lust for hurt on your face. You say you love me. I no longer say the same. I say I hate you. And I will take revenge.

Future...

Ever thought about the future? What you want to be? What you want to do with life? When we were small they used to ask us what we wanted to be and we'd say stuff like Superman, Princess or Fairy. Now, even though I'm still young, I'd say stuff like author, lawyer or dentist. Princesses and fairies are long gone. Wish they could stay though. Living with stuff like that made life so much more easier. No real problems. When I was young my friends and I used to fight on which cartoon character we wanted to be. Bloom from Winx Club or Cloe from Bratz. Now, I wish I was that young. The older you get the older you want to be. When I was 6 I wanted to be 13. Just like my older cousins, I wanted to be the oldest class in the school. I thought I'd rule the school. Now that I'm their age, I feel the same. Worse probably. I feel like I have responsibilities. I feel like now I have a burden to carry. Now that I'm older I wish I was as old as my sister. 20. Yup. Just 7 more years to go. No biggy. At the rate the time is going I'll probably be 20 quickly. 20... I'm still not sure I want to be that old. More responsibilities, more burdens. I just can't decide. What do I want to be? What do I want to do? When I get older I'm sure I'll understand everything... Hopefully

I wonder... Do those idiots make my life as entertaining and fun as it is? Probably... But those poor idiots can't take away the evil from my life. Yes there is a touch of evilness, a touch of jealousy, a hint of anger. But by some miracle it isn't in me. Its in someone else towards me. For the first time in my whole entire life I'm not sure who its coming from. I can just sense it like a distinct smell of perfume... Not but perfume is pleasant. More like a distinct smell of rotten eggs. Yep. I cant believe I'm actually at a level where people feel jealous of me.
A few months ago I was heartbroken and cumbling down from all the pressure I thought I had. Now I'm standing as straight as the new Daisy I've become. Umhm. I'm no longer the rose waiting to be picked up by someone as they walk by. I'm a Daisy that can stand staright itself and who doesn't need anyone. It has a bunch of Daisies besides it anyway. There are no more thorns in my life. A few bugs buzz up and bother me some times but the wind carries them away. Soon all the problems in my life will be taken away by the wind when it blows. Soon...

Another day has passed... Thank God that it was full of happiness. My mother came back! The joy that was written on her face when she saw me could have been nothing compared to my joy. The first day she'd gone had been fine. The second... Okay. The third I started missing her. The daily activities seemed incomplete without her. The fourth day I was almost counting the hours till she would come. Fifth, I was really getting depressed. When she returned yesterday, I felt alive. I felt as if the missing part near my heart had returned. It was full of love and warmth and affection towards my mom. Today I feel absolutely perfect. Unless of course some idiot comes amd spoils my day and there are lots of idiots in my life.

Miss you...

When you're with someone you love you don't know their importance, don't feel their need. Once they leave, even if only temporarily, you realize how important they are and how much you miss them. You realize how much you need them. You need their advice that seems stupid when they're with you. You need their help even if it may seem unnecessary when they're with you. You even need to look at their faces just to feel fully there.

My mother, who is an extraordinary woman, is who I need. I now realize how much she copes with and how much she has to handle. Even though all of us are irritating, disgusting, cranky and just plain bad, she loves us and treats us patiently. She takes care of the whole family along with our adorably bad mannered dog. There are times when we drive her over the edge but never in her life with us has she said something overly harsh. She says what she has to and what we force her to. 

Her warm brown eyes, her soft face, her pink cheeks, the warmth that always flows off her body, the love only she has words to express, the affection with which she holds us, all the sacrifices she gives for us. All these things make her my mother.  The woman who is most important in my life. <3

Back again. To start typing, to start writing, to spilling all my emotions onto this. Finally, I'm feeling as if I belong. I belong where I am now and where I will be for quite a while. We've gone our seperate ways but yet we still get pulled towards eachother every once in a while. And I've found other people I love. Who may just love me back. But I'll need to be patient. I've gotten good at that. Patient. Something I've had to be for a year now. But I've gotten what I want. Friends to take care of me. Best friends to love and support me. An amazing family that keeps me a happy. Maybe, just maybe, I have something to live for now.
I've found the people who love me for who I am. Who dont ask me to change just because they don't like who I am. I'm no longer hopeless. Maybe I do have a sparkling bright future ahead of me. There are ups and downs, still some small bumps that make me stumble and hesitate before moving on. But they just make me stumble not fall. Before, I used to fall face first onto the hard brick road of life which hurt a lot. Stumbling is something I know will happen a lot through out my whole life. I took a risk. I turned towards the turn that didn't seem right. But it led me to success. Yes risks can sometimes change a life. They changed mine. I've taken so many risks. They all led to happiness.
The coldness of the winter has changed into the sudden bloom of spring. A new beginning. I hold many expectations for spring. The rose that was me before has died. A new bud is blooming. A new me. Its no longer a rose. Its a Daisy. Its affection is towards a few selected people. This is the new me. The new me that waited for a very very long time to bloom. This is the new me. Accept it or leave it.