Hope? Seeing it, feeling it. Scared? A lot. Feeling better? Definitely. Your advice worked. Lets see if it works for long or if its just going to keep us together for a few days. But thanks anyway. You helped a lot!

I hate you. You hate me. Story of our lives right?

I want.... I want... I want.... You complained that I never listened to you. Why didn't you say anything? You think I had everything. Well yes, maybe I did but everyone has their times. Now YOU'RE the one who has everything. You can't possibly blame everything on me. I said harsh words to you? I made you cry? Do you even remember what YOU said to me? Of course you don't. You think my problems aren't important. Think again, woman, because you aren't using your mind properly. The words you said to me weren't harsh. They were cruel, heart-breaking and they were not what I expected to hear from you, of all the people. You said "We aren't best friends. I was never your best friend." Do YOU remember those words? You don't think they didn't hurt me? That was the reason I cried and unfortunately that day one of our best friends called. She knew I'd been crying. Never ever in my life did I say "Don't talk to her." You brought that onto yourself girl! I lost everyone. I never blamed anyone. I blamed myself. Why do you hate that so much? I left you and you left me. So whats the problem now? Your dream just came true right? You never wanted me. You never wanted a best friend like me.  My problem is mine to fix. If I don't want to fix it whats it to you? You act like you care. But think again. Do you care? I'm not saying you're lying to me. I'm saying you're lying to yourself.

I hate.

I hate the way you talk to me

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive a car

I hate the way you stare.

I hate your big dumb boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick

it even makes rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh

even worse than you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around

and the fact that you didn't call.

Mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit.... Not at all.

I hate you then I love you. I want to throw you off a cliff but then I want to run down to catch you.

Death+Sad+Lonely+Lost = Me

What is death? Death is not the end. It is a new beginning. A day will always end with sleep. Life always ends with death. I desire death. I desire death because I desire things that will destroy me in the end. Who the God loves, dies young. That's partly why I want to die. When I was born, I was crying but everyone around me was smiling. When I die, I will be smiling but everyone around me will be crying. As long as I have at least one thing I want, I have a reason for living. Now I've lost everything. Now I don't have a reason to live. Another reason why I want to die is that once you're dead, people miss you and love you more. Death is just a new chapter of the same story. Death leaves a pain no one can feel but love leaves a memory no one can steal. Every shadow is made by some light, every tear has a smile, death has to have some life. Of all the saddest words of tongue and pen are "It might have been." Sometimes I don't want anyone to see me crying. You know what I do? I go out in the rain so that my tears can be mistaken. Why are the sad quotes always the best quotes? I want a storm. I want rain. So that I can see the rainbow later. The colorful colors across the light blue sky that will make my day the best. I want  to write my bad times in sand so that they can be washed away. I want to write the good stuff on stone so that it can stay. There are lots of things I want. Lots of people. But I wont get anything. Should I give up? I think I will.

I'm...

I'm a daughter hiding my depression.
I'm a sister making a good impression.
I'm the girl sitting next to you.
I'm the one asking you to care.
I'm your best friend.
Hoping you'll be there.

Lonely.

Hard times don't last forever right? True friendships last forever right? When I find myself snuggling into loneliness, I know nothings right. I feel alone. But I'm not alone. I have my loneliness with me. But one day my loneliness will leave me too. The day I die. I feel lonely every single day of my life. But I'm ashamed to admit that to the people who love me. Sometimes I wish I could die. Go away from this worlds cruelty. Go into a place where I was free. Free to fly! Boys? Is that was ruins it all? No. Me. I'm what ruins it all. I ruin my life as well as other peoples lives. I ruin my families life. Why did it have to be three? Why couldn't they just be happy with a daughter and a son? Why was I born? Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I be like some random popular, rich girl who could live a happy perfect life? Why? I know. Because it was me being born. And when is my luck good? Ruin me. Finish me. Kill me. Please... I want to die. Tomorrow, today, now. GOD I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DRAMA AND THESE COMPLICATIONS! KILL ME! I ruin myself. It's what I'm good at. What do I do? I die! I triumph!

Deaths waiting arms

She stumbled as she walked away
Leaving my heart to break
I stared after her until she was out of my sight
Out my mind, out of my life

I waited for years for her to return
I waited and let my heart burn
My life had turned a disgusting shade of auburn
As I knew she wouldn't return

Yet I still couldn't give up hope
I held onto her as if onto a rope
Oh, how could I cope?
Still left with this dangerous hope

I leapt up when I saw the shadow at my window one night
This was how she'd cone to meet me every night
I pulled the curtains out of my way
And stared at the face I had yearned for everyday

I jumped into my angels way
And went willingly as she took me away
Took me away, took me away
Away from all the pain

I satred at the place she took me to
I stared into Death's loving eyes
I had come to the place where I did belong
Into the hold of what was strong

I was taken from my angels arms
And put into Deaths waiting arms.